Darien and Grace Oborn

Hope for a New Day

2011-12-24T12:54:00.001-08:00

Ron and Kent's due date is less than a month away, and we think of them often. How big they'd be, what they'd look like, etc. It's been tough to let them go. One day you'll be fine and then, for no reason, something will trigger a brief bout of sadness. The grieving process has stretched out like a non-uniform blanket full of holes that let in cool blasts of air, just to let you know they're there on the other side.

Soon after we lost Ron and Kent, Debbie and I decided to give the invitro-fertilization procedure another chance. The next viable window for treatment would be early December, 2011. We saved up more money, gave Debbie's body some time to heal up, and on December 12, 2011, we implanted three more 150+ cell embryos. A sense of cautious optimism has dwelled in our home and in our souls the past few days, as we awaited the first sign that Debbie was pregnant again. Yesterday, the day before Christmas Eve, we received the news: positive.

Although we know the road ahead won't be easy, or certain, we're grateful to get a second chance. Well, actually a fourth chance. Darien and Grace made this whole thing look and feel so easy. Now, if we can just get those babi(es) to 8-9 months inutero, we'll be looking good.

Fingers crossed. Knees bent in prayer. Here we go again.

A New Chapter

2011-07-28T07:25:00.000-07:00

As you can tell, a lot of time has passed since I've kept up this journal. Since I last wrote Darien and Grace have grown up to become beautiful, sweet, adorable children. They are both almost 6 years old - going to start Kindergarten next month. They love playing together, riding bikes, and they can't get enough of theme parks and carnivals. I'm so proud of them each and every day and Debbie is an absolute gem of a mother to them.

Over the past year Debbie and I have tried to replicate our success with Darien and Grace by having more children. As we did the first time, we paid Dr. David Richards (infertility specialist) a visit so that he could help us get to first base with mother nature, since Debbie doesn't ovulate on her own. In March 2010 we implanted 3 embyos ... none of them took. We got the news while I was away in Las Vegas attending a trade show (I'm the VP of Marketing, so it was my Super Bowl of activities). I missed the phone call from Debbie letting me know about the sad news, which compounded the heartache. Note to self - NEVER be away from your wife when life-changing news is going to be delivered.

We took some time to recover emotionally and financially to prepare for the next round, which we did in the Spring of this year (2011). This time we did a few things differently: Debbie had a D&C a few months prior to make sure everything was ship-shape inside, we let the embryos go to 5 days instead of 3 like last time, ensuring we were able to implant the "fittest of the fittest", and everything we swimmingly well. On May 5, 2011 the 2 embyos were transferred to Debbie and, like clockwork, the little ones went to work growing and creating a new home for themselves.

We monitored their growth about every 2 weeks with out-of-pocket ultrasound techs to make extra sure things were going according to plan. Sure enough, the two fetuses were measuring exactly as they should. 6 weeks into the pregnancy the two were measuring just 1 day apart from each other. We were really excited about the progress they were making; every time we were able to sneak a peak at them they were very active - I called them my little break-dancers!

Everything was going really well - minus the intense nausea Debbie experienced on a daily basis - until July 9, 2011. Debbie had just given a talk in Church, mentioning the blessing of the pregnancy several times in her sermon, when she noticed she was bleeding. We rushed her straight from church to the hospital. We did an emergency ultrasound and found the two little guys just hanging out, no problems, but a sub-corneal hematoma was discovered. A few days later, on a foll0w-up visit to Dr. Young, the stand-in OBGYN, we learned that where was some bleeding under then placenta but that it didn't look like it would cause any more problems.

Day after day, the slow trickle of blood refused to relent, and Debbie and I grew more and more worried. Finally, on July 25, 2011, the bleeding intensified, accompanied with shard cramping (ie: labor pains). Not good. We took Debbie back to the E.R. where they pumped her full of morphine and other major pain killers to numb the labor pain, but to no avail. We did an emergency ultrasound at 6:30 PM and found only one baby (who still appeared to be doing just fine, with a regular heart beat, etc.). Baby A - which we later named Kent, had been passed down to the cervix. Not good.

Off to the labor/delivery ward we went. No sooner had we arrived, Debbie began the most intense contractions yet. As things started to exit her body, the back-up OBGYN (Dr. Allen) arrived. (It was Pioneer Day in Utah, so all of our regular doctors were not available) With just a few soft touches he delivered Kent, who had apparently passed away an hour or so earlier. At that time, our attention turned to Baby B, which we'll call Ron. The OB turned on the ultrasound in the room and .... no sign of Ron. A minute later, Ron followed his brother Kent, who fought the eventual outcome for almost a minute after being born far, far too early.

They were both so beautiful. Perfect. Babies. We didn't even know the sex yet, but now it was clear: 2 boys.

Dr. Allen and Aubry, the nurse, just looked up and said "I'm so sorry .... I'm so sorry." I was in shock. Words escaped me. Debbie was still riving in pain, and her work was not yet done. She had to finish the labor, so pitocin was added to her IV so that she could pass the after-birth, which she did about 30 minutes later. I couldn't watch -- my wife was losing lots of blood, my two little boys lay lifeless in the little plastic bin .... horror.

Eventually, with lots of IV fluid and pain killers, Debbie was stable again. She almost needed a blood transfusion she had lost so much blood. From my vantage point, she was remarkably stable (emotionally), asking the doctors pointed questions -- very clinical-like. I, on the other had, was a wreck. I retreated to bed next door (behind the blinds) and just melted down. I texted a few friends and family members to let them know what happened, and with each passing keystroke another tear fell from my eyes. Calls started to come in; I couldn't bear to answer them. I was still trying, in my own feeble way, to process the shock my body was in.

We stayed the night in the hospital, in that labor/delivery room meant for new mothers to bring new life into the world. All I felt was cold .... death ... broken heart ... broken dream. I couldn't sleep -- it all felt like a bad, bad dream. Debbie was on pain meds non-stop, which I think numbed some of the shock she must have been going through. I can't believe what a trooper she was.

Eventually, morning came and we were awakened by the ultrasound tech who peered into Debbie to make sure everything had been evacuated from her uterus. An hour later Dr. Young arrived and let us know that everything looked good - well, good enough to go home - and that his clinical opinion on the event was just "bad luck". He assured Debbie that nothing she did caused this to happen, no lack of vitamins, pre-natal supplements, bed-rest, etc. I'm not sure if we believed it or not, but is was re-assuring to hear.

A few days have now passed since this horrific event in our lives, and we're still trying to figure out what happened. Trying to process the grief. Trying to re-focus on the future. Trying to learn whatever lessons God has for us in this. At this point, just putting the story to paper has been somewhat therapeutic. It ensures that we'll never forget the details. We'll never forget the emotions. And most importantly, we'll never forget you Ron and Kent. Never. Never.

Until we meet in heaven.

Love, your dad.

Twins Growing Out of Control Now!

2007-02-03T07:03:00.000-08:00

Hard to believe that the twins just passed the 15 month mark. Not a day goes by without them entered into unchartered waters. Last week Grace learned how to give kisses (with a wide open mouth ... still working on the peck on the lips), Darien learned how to open up the toilet lid, open all of the doors in our house, turn a roll of toilet paper into confetti, and more. Everyday is the same routine: wake up, eat, get ALL of their toys out of the bin, deposit them in random places throughout the house, eat, nap, take all of the tupperware out of the cabinet, make a run for the bathroom to see if they can sneak in when mommy's not watching, eat, see daddy when he gets home from work, play steamroller, monster, and disco dancing, eat, bottle, pajamas, lay down with daddy for a half hour while drinking said bottle, in the crib (with daddy sneaking out of the room on all fours so he's not seen). Each night, at 2 AM and 6 AM ... bottle and diaper changes. Then repeat the whole cycle over again. It's our hope that they'll sleep all the way through the night without the need for mid-air milk refueling, but mommy and I can't bear their midnight cries - yeah, we're softies.

Here is a picture of Darien and Grace at Christmas time!

It's a Miracle - Twins Reach First Birthday

2006-10-13T14:37:00.000-07:00

I can't believe a whole year has past since I started this blog for Darien and Grace. The two little miracles have grown like weeds the past 3 months and are developing into little people! They both crawl all around the house, pull themselves up into a standing position on everything, and they get their hands on everything they can - pots, pans, tupperware, toasters, refrigerators (see below), ... you name it, they touch it. Just last week I turned on my shower to allow it a minute to heat up, and by the time I came back little Darien had crawled into the master bathroom, opened the shower door, and crawled into the shower itself. When I came back a minute later, he was soaked! I laughed so hard, took a cute picture (or two), and thought to myself ... "It's starting!" Now, you can't take your eye off of these two for 2 seconds or they'll find their way into some trouble! So cute, but oh so high maintenance!

Twins Enjoying the Summer

2006-08-14T16:36:00.000-07:00

This summer has been a blast with the twins. Now that the weather is nice and warm, Darien and Grace have enjoyed many outdoor activities with Debbie and I. We take them for bike rides in their new Chariot, we take them to the park, to the swimming pool, and other fun spots. Grace just started crawling yesterday and Darien began "army" crawling a few weeks ago. They have very funny personalities now - they always try to make people (and each other) laugh by making raspberries with their lips and funny grunts. Grace is starting to grow some serious hair now, and Darien's scalp is completely full of brown curly hair. They are so pleasant to be around (except for bed-time) and they should be walking and saying "no" by the next time I post!

Where Does the Time Go?

2006-04-12T21:11:00.000-07:00

I can't believe nearly four months have passed since my last entry in the Baby Blog! Let me rewind back to where I left off and give you a little travelogue of how we made it to April 2006.

December was a great month! We took the twins to get their pictures take for our 2005 edition of the Oborn Family Christmas Cards which also doubled as birth announcements. They looked so cute!

We did our best to keep the little guys warm and we enjoyed spending Christmas with Debbie's family here in Utah.

January started out with a trip to the emergency room for Darien. He came down with a fever, runny nose, and then he developed this terrible sounding cough. We tried to keep him hydrated but his cough turned into wheezing and soon he had trouble breathing. I suspected RSV, so to the hospital we went at 11:59 PM on Friday night. The ER physicians ran a few tests and sure as can be, our little boy had come down with RSV. They immediately admitted him and hooked him up to oxygen so that his clogged lungs could get enough oxygen into his blood stream. The next 3 days were filled with suctioning of his lungs and trachea, constant oxygen lines to his nose, and little sleep for dad - who stayed by his bedside all but 8 hours of his three day hospital weekend. The good news was that only one of the twins came down with RSV. The only thing worse than a baby with RSV is 2 babies with RSV.

Soon after Darien came home, both him a Grace started sleeping 8 hours at night for the first time. Boy were Debbie and I relieved! Nighttime has now been much more peaceful and mommy and daddy are getting enough sleep to actually function somewhat normally.

In March we blessed the twins in the LDS Church. Many relatives came and we had a great time at our house afterwards for the post-blessing party.

Now, as we head into Spring, the babies will start to actually see what the outdoors look like. It has been really cold in Utah since late October (when they were born). Darien is now tipping the scales at 21 lbs and Grace is still a ways behind at 16 lbs. They recently figured out how to make raspberries with their mouths (blowing out your mouth with your tongue stuck out) and they are begriming to roll over and do other semi-coordinated movements. Here is a recent picture of the two:

More to come soon!

November in the Books

2005-12-06T03:42:00.000-08:00

On November 1, around 3AM as I sat feeding the babies I thought to myself: If I can just get through November ...

Well, here we are in the beginning of December with November in the rear-view mirror. The babies have done remarkably well in November. Each has gained almost 3 pounds from their birth weight. Darien is approaching 10 lbs. and Grace is gaining a little slower (which is good considering she is a little princess) at 8 lbs.

The twins are also starting to develop little personalities too. Grace is curious, and likes to stare at the ceiling with her gorgeous blue eyes. Just before she goes to sleep after a bottle, she'll smile - melting my heart. DP is also a sweet little boy (again, assuming he's not hungry, in which case he snorts and lets out a blood-curling shriek that let's you know without question that it's time to eat). They both make this funny 'beep' sound too - every time they do it Debbie and I laugh.

The real challenge thus far has been keeping their nostrils clean - with such dry Utah air their sinuses are constantly clogged. We purchased a humidifier and implemented some ideas from WebMD.com (love that site now more than ever). They are now breathing better (not perfect) and getting better sleep. Ah, sleep... the next challenge. Debbie and I have had to revert to sleep cycles, where one of us goes downstairs to a guest room (piece and quiet) to sleep while the other one looks after the twins. Right now, I'm sleeping from 7 PM to 2 AM, and Debbie sleeps from 2 AM to 9 AM. We've found that it's better to get some uninterrupted sleep than for both of us to toil with a child and get 3 2-hour naps during the night.

Hopefully, the twins will start sleeping longer than 2 hours after each bottle. Darien has already increased his capacity to 5 oz and Grace is up to 4 oz - which we hope will translate into longer naps. It hasn't happened yet, but everything we read and everyone we talk to says that after six weeks we should start to see the change.

Lastly, we hired a part-time babysitter - Meagan Smart - to help Debbie with the kids during the mornings so that she can actually run errands, do laundry, and maintain the house. Meagan used to baby sit Gale's kids when they lived up here a few years ago and she did (and continues to do) a fantastic job. I'm so grateful my sister gave us that recommendation because we don't know many people in day care here in Utah since we are so new, and we really needed the help.

Week 2 - Trying to Figure this Fatherhood Thing Out

2005-12-06T03:14:00.000-08:00

Trying to 'figure out' your new children is an interesting and challenging experience for us rookies. However, now that we are through the first two weeks, we seem to have them somewhat figured out; Darien is all about his food - don't mess with this bottle and he'll be a good boy. Grace is more polite - she'll give you a fair amount of warning that her stomach is getting close to empty and that she'd appreciate it if you could get a new bottle for her soon. Grace's problem is that her little stomach can keep her milk down and requires constant burping so she doesn't spit up. Darien is a man about his food and isn't about to let any go to waste - he rarely spits up and is good with just one big burp. Both of them are eating around 3 oz. of Infamil and go through 8 diapers each per day. The real humor in this is that I know it's just going to get worse - more cans of Infamil and more diapers.

On October 30, Debbie's sister Joni came to visit us from New York. She brought with her some really cute 'New York' outfits that we adore. Here are pictures for Darien and Grace a la New York City:

Day 5 - The Architect Pays Us a Visit

2005-10-25T10:47:00.000-07:00

Tonight we received a visit from Dr. David Richards, the infertility doctor who created our two little babies in the lab. He is a very fun person to be around and he shared with our family some of the things he looks for in an embryo (oxygen level, cell alignment, etc.) I am very happy to know that Darien and Grace have the best possible DNA from both Debbie and I, as they were chosen from over a dozen other possibilities. Dr. Richards is an expert in giving people like us the best chance to conceive, and we'll be forever grateful for his talent and knowledge.

Day 4 - A Few Bumps in the Road

2005-10-24T10:24:00.000-07:00

Day 4 started out with a doctors appointment, which seemed innocent enough. What I didn't know going in is that the babies blood was cleaned in-utero by the placenta and now both of my babies livers needed to 'jump start'. One sign that their little livers aren't keeping up with demand is a build up of bilirubin that causes their skin to turn yellow. Both Grace and Darien began to pick up a yellowish tint and the pediatrician sent us straight to the hopsital for blood work. The results showed that Grace was high, but not in danger. Darien on the other hand did have high amounts of bilirubin and was prescribed 24 hours in the 'light box'.

He spent the next 24 hours in the light box, only coming out for food and diaper changes. He was visibly uncomfortable and I laid by him the entire night, trying to readjust the cloth that kept the light out of his eyes. The night was very long and very stressful. I did all I could to keep him in there as long as possible so that the light could work through his skin to break down the bilirubin and get it to a level that his liver could support.

The next day Darien was tested and his level came down from 13.8 to 11.9, well within the 'safe' range for his age (still measured in hours). I was relieved, but it was very difficult forcing my son to be in so much discomfort. Only the knowledge that it was for his own good and the love that I have for him allowed me to keep him in there all those hours without taking him out - which would have been the path of least resistance I assure you. I learned a vital lesson of being a father and what it is like to see your kids in pain. My own life now is far less valuable to me than that of my kids - there is no sacrifice too great or too costly that I would be happy to do for them both.

Day 3 - The Training Wheels Come Off

2005-10-23T10:14:00.000-07:00

Day 3 - Time to take the babies home! Debbie and I were really excited to finally get out of the hospital and to take the babies home. (We've been 'padding the nest' for the past 3 months and were very anxoius to introduce the babies to their new home). No more nurses to help us, to take the babies so we can sleep at night, it's all on us now.

Debbie and I learned a lot in the first few hours home. First we learned that our old used Acura Integra would not fit the car seats, and unless we purchases a new car with more space, we'd have to borrow a truck/van/suv from someone in order to take our babies anywhere (including the pediatrician). We also learned that the babies needed to be fed and changed every 3 hours (including the night time). Day 3 ended in utter exhaustion.

Day 2 - Crash Course in Baby Care

2005-10-22T10:08:00.000-07:00

The second day of fatherhood proved to be the real test. Prior to this I had limited to NO experience caring for infant children. I watched intently as the nurses fed, changed, burped, and dressed my two little ones and recorded their every move in my photographic memory. Gradually, the nurses came around less often and Debbie and I started taking over some of the parenting responsibilities (above and beyond just taking pictures of my cute kids!)

Today we also had many visitors; Kent Oborn (grandpa "papa"), Sharyl Oborn (grandma), Gale Oborn Johnson (Aunt Gale), Spencer Oborn (Uncle Spencer), Adam Edwards, Misha Edwards, Ron Dyer (grandpa Dyer), Myrna Dyer (grandma Dyer), Brett Twiggs (uncle Brett), Linda Twiggs (aunt Lindy), Nathan Twiggs (cousin), Brianna Twiggs (cousin and future babysitter).

The Journey Officially Begins

2005-10-21T09:04:00.000-07:00

Day 1 - October 21, 2005

Today started out like any other day. The sun was out, not a cloud in the sky. Debbie and I made our way to the hospital where she was admitted and hooked up to a pitocin drip to help her contractions along. 10 hours later, at 6:06 PM, Darien was born, with a full head of dark, curly, hair and he topped the scales at 6 lbs 10 oz. 10 minutes later, at 6:16 PM Grace made her grand appearance. She was visibly smaller than Darien, weighing in a just 5 lbs 11 oz. Debbie gave birth in the Operating Room, which is standard proceedure for multiple births. We were all dressed in clean room gowns, which I haven't worn since my days in the BYU computer chip clean room. Below is a picture of me holding up Darien who is a whole 8 minutes old.

Within the span on 10 minutes, I was the father of two. When they first came out I was faced with the early dilema of twins: which one do I bond with first? I took time to bond with Darien while the nurses cleaned up Grace and then they were both wheeled out of the operating room destined for the nursery.

At this point, I shed a few tears (under my face cover) of joy and relief that Debbie and the twins did so well during the whole ordeal. I was especially impressed at the strength and resiliency of Debbie during the last few minutes of 'pushing'. Despite being nauseous from the epidural, she fought through and pushed like an Olympic weight lifter going after the gold medal.

The idea that two new precious souls were under by stewardship quickly began to sink in. A feeling of humility, fear, and gratitude came over me as I made my way down to the nursery to see how my two new angels were doing. Debbie's parents, my mom, and my friend Adam Edwards met me down in the nursery where the nurses observed the twins for any irregularities and bathed them for the first time.

Soon the babies were given the green light to join up with their mom for the very first time, and boy was Debbie excited to see them! All the hard work, the infertility treatments (including shots with huge needles!); it was all well worth it!

T-Minus 14 Hours and Counting

2005-10-20T19:30:00.000-07:00

Tonight (October 20, 2005) Debbie and I received a call from the hospital letting us know that our doctor had scheduled us to come down and check in to the hospital tomorrow at 11 AM. All of the waiting, wondering, its all coming to an end. The time is near. Anticipation and worry are starting to build up. My every thought is on Darien and Grace, willing them to the safety of the delivery doctor's steady hands.

From this point forward, my life will never be the same. Yet, knowing that doesn't make that much difference. Having just turned 33, I've had over 11 years to wonder if I've got what it takes ... if I am truly "ready" for the responsibility. I may be wrong, but right now I firmly believe that there are only two necessary requirements to be a good parent, desire and time. I say desire because you have to want to be an all-star parent, but time is so often the thing that keeps parents from achieving that objective. I've worked exceeding hard with my best friend Adam Edwards to build a business that would allow us both the time we need to spend with our children.

Every day that I work, I work to free up future time with my kids. They'll never know about my time at BYU, working as a research and teaching assistant in the electrical engineering department, taking year-around school to finish the 5 year program in 3, the Masters Thesis which had to be written and rewritten 5 times. They won't have any remembrance of my first engineering job in Los Angeles, living in my parents' house, commuting to work at 4:30 AM. They also won't remember the time when I saved up every penny I had to buy our first house in Chino Hills - and when I was a few thousand short I invested my lives savings on DELL stock, which went up 10 points the next week and allowed us to get the house! They won't remember the time when I worked 50 hours a week for Cognigen, or 60 hours a week for eMaxDirect, or 70 hours a week for Telarus. They won't know that I risked everything and spent my life savings starting Telarus, which turned a profit just 1 month ahead of the time when Adam and my savings accounts would run dry. They won't even know that their mom worked as a Physical Therapist for 5 years before they were born. All of it will be a mystery to them - all they will know is that their mom and dad are always there for them, and that money just always seems to be there.

I can't wait to see them for the first time; to hold them, look into their eyes and see into their pure spirits. My parents worked very hard to put me in a situation where I could succeed. I likewise have worked very hard so that they can have all of the opportunities to do even better than me one day. The love of a father is something that can only be experienced, and now I am beginning to understand. 33 years and I have never felt like this before; scared, proud, full of love, protective, excited. Most of all, I'm excited that I'll have the time to share my life with my two angels.